I am not gonna lie. Ministry can take it out of you. And by “it” I mean everything. When my husband and I found out that we were pregnant with our little girl it was a dream come true. That day set us on a course of healing from the weariness that we had let go unchecked while we were serving Mexico. We were both blessed beyond measure by our time in YWAM, but her arrival made it clear the times were changing.
It took us almost two years to finally let go of ministry all the way. And I think it was intended to be that way. God is gracious to us and knows what we need. He is not in a hurry.
We had been living on missionary support and we knew when we let go of that there was “no turning back”. For awhile anyways. It was just in January of this year that we officially began our first month in life beyond full time ministry. It was just a few days after that when I received the word that turned into the blog you are reading right now.
I was having a rough day, so my husband graciously took our daughter and gave me some time alone with Jesus. I don’t remember how we got on the topic, but I do remember talking to him about my guilt for not being in ministry anymore when I knew the need was so great. But at the same time whenever I reached out my hand to something beyond building up our little family I was sucked dry in a moment.
I knew from experience that I could go for years in less than perfect situations, because it was where I was meant to be. It frustrated me that what used to come with ease now seemed impossible for me accomplish.
That is when he said to me, “Overflow. Ministry should come from an overflow of what I am already doing in your life, not the other way around. First and foremost love me. If there is extra after that then go for it in ministry. But if there isn’t, stay here with me. Because that is the greatest ministry of all.”
His word brought a beautiful release in my spirit. Overflow.
As I looked back on my years of service I saw a clear pattern. Tasks. Work. Meetings. Assignments. Goals. And while I did come face to face with my creator as a bi product of all this, it was more of a happy accident than my intention. I wanted to save the world and I was going to do it because I loved God.
But here I was drained from all that saving and he was asking me to just sit with him. I had been asking God how to let go of tasks, and chase after his heart above all else, for over a year and finally something clicked and I began to see how. How life is about just one thing. Just one person. And if I really did make Jesus the center of my delight the rest would just fall into place. He has already saved the world. Its a done deal. So why waste time on work when I could fall in love?
It was a turning point in my life. It has given me a lenses to see the world through that changes all my priorities. The art and prophetic words that I will be sharing on this blog are from the overflow of my soul. The overflow of my journey into his heart. My goal this year (and well forever really) is to be a little girl running after her daddy down an unknown road. And this blog is the refrigerator he hangs my art on. Proud of me, no matter what, because I made it for him.